My friends like to hang out sometimes and have fun. So do I. After all, life is short and if we’re not going to make the most of it, nobody else will do it for us.
And yet, it has become increasingly hard for me to chill with my friends. Bar? Oops, no alcohol for me. Drug interactions, you know… Coffee? Uh oh, no caffeine. My anxiety might just go through the roof. Nighttime meet-up? Won’t work. I need to stick to my schedule and can’t go to bed too late. Breakfast? Oh well, you know how my medications work… I need extra sleep. Just a nice walk or brunch? See, my medications make it very difficult for me to keep up a conversation or have a decent train of thoughts. I lose my focus fairly quickly and it’s hard for me to concentrate. I don’t feel like myself at all.
Every time my friends decide to get together, the battle in my head begins. Should I take my medications today and skip the meeting? Should I take my medications and go anyway feeling like a sleeping cloud? Or should I skip my medications and just have fun? And deal with the consequences tomorrow? In my mind, I know what the right thing to do is. I know I need to keep taking my medications to be healthier and feel better. I know that skipping a night won’t do good for anyone. And still, it’s hard to feel so bland all the time. As much as I crave normalcy and routine, the inner disorder in me craves chaos. And so my judgement becomes clouded and decision making becomes so damn tough.
I’ve made the mistake of going three days without medication while being on vacation. The first two days felt really good. I was able to drink, have fun and feel like my old self. Yet, by the time the third day rolled around, I felt sick to my stomach and my anxiety levels skyrocketed. My depression hit an all time low and I knew that not being compliant only harms me.
The one thing my doctors and therapists have asked of me is to be compliant. And I know that in order for me to feel better mentally, physically and emotionally I need to stick to my medication regimen. Compliance is key to healing.
So, to all of my friends I ask of you to please help me and support me in my journey to recovery. If you ever invite me out, please make sure that I take my medications. It is not your responsibility but sometimes all I need is a good friend to remind me. And if I’m quiet while all of you are having fun, please understand that it’s healthier to stick to my medications than to drink or have too much fun. And if you have any other friends with mental health issues please don’t pressure them too much into hanging out. Please be a good friend and understand that medications and compliance is the first step to healing.
Compliance ensures we have a better quality of life.